JENNIFER SCROGGINS
  • Home
  • About Me
  • Portfolio
  • Contact

Manifest destiny? If only ...

4/24/2010

1 Comment

 
I keep feeling like I need to be someone else. I don't know who, but I know the current me isn't working. At all.


I keep thinking if I could just go to California and start over, it would get better. I'd be with my cousins and my aunt and uncle. I could see palm trees and the ocean, and I could smell the eucalyptus that immediately takes me back to my childhood, when my heart rate would rise upon landing at Burbank with Mom. The cabin door would open, we'd descend the steps, and I'd know I was someplace special.


Southern California always makes things seem possible to me. It is one of the places where I feel the happiest. I don't know if that comes from my childhood visits or my love of all things Aaron Spelling -- probably it's both -- but when I haven't been there for a few months, I start to feel almost lonely, as if a part of me is missing and needs to be restored.


Now more than ever I feel the need to be there.


I have spent the past six months thinking of ways to re-invent my life, and I've come up empty. A new job is proving not to be an option. Even a new job within my old job isn't fixing what has broken inside me.


The truth is, though, I missed my California dream. Had I left for USC in the fall of 1993, I'd be a different girl now. A better one? A happier one? That, I cannot say.


All I know is that here in the spring of 2010, I have a husband and a mortgage, and a cross-country move just isn't part of my reality.


And so I keep on keeping on, even though I cannot see how this current pace will be sustainable over the long haul. I know I need things to change. I actually think I need everything to change. But when those changes aren't an option, where does that leave a person?


For now at least, it leaves me not goin' to California, with an achin' in my heart.
1 Comment
Elliott
6/29/2010 08:13:21 am

I know that you have a new gig now and are happy, but you can't be afraid to take the leap if something is calling you. Look what we did, with a mortgage and two kids! It can be done if that's what you want.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Welcome to my brain! You're likely to find posts about sports, travel, food, wine, media, TV and music. Should be something for just about everyone!

    Archives

    March 2013
    December 2012
    September 2012
    February 2012
    August 2010
    July 2010
    June 2010
    May 2010
    April 2010
    March 2010

    Categories

    All
    90210
    Art
    Catholicism
    Columbus
    Cooking
    Entertainment
    Faith
    Franciscanism
    Middle East
    Music
    Religion
    Running
    Social Media
    Travel
    Tv
    Videos

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • About Me
  • Portfolio
  • Contact